…to be decided for women-
Yours truly,
Society.
Let’s be honest, how many of us can boldly say our body count out loud? I mean it’s all good if it’s 2 or 3 or 5, but when it starts to hit 10 or 27 or even 35, the story changes.
Since the beginning of time, it has been decided for women that they are for man’s ̶p̶l̶e̶a̶s̶u̶r̶e̶. We can trace from the Bible to male gender favorable traditions in the older days and now to a generation that only wants to keep the traditions that keep the woman on a leash while in the real sense of it, we are all equal human beings with sexual urges, who have the rights to do whatever they please with their bodies — when we are not talking about heaven or sin.
You’ll hear things like “a woman is to be seen, not heard”
In Igbo land, the man marries the woman which I have no problem with unless, of course, you’re one of those who think that bride price equals “buying your partner or a horse in different circumstances… yikes!”. In the older days, during the marriage-interest first visit, the interested bachelors people indicate their marriage proposal with something that starts with, “I saw a flower in your compound and I’ve come to pluck it”, or “I saw a ripe fruit in your household, and I and my people have come to pluck it”, and many other similar worded formats…
The flower or fruit or anything in this case loosely symbolizes “delicate”, “untouched”, “not eaten”, and whatever virginity transcribes to. If we want to go further back, we can talk about virginity checks and circumcision. All in a bid to reduce or even eliminate the possibility of a woman being sexually adventurous at most or in an easier way.
Most African women can’t comfortably say their body counts probably because of the judgments and shame that come with it. Most of the time when this question just comes up, it’s almost as if there’s a perceived number that’s acceptable for women to have as their body count such that you’re neither a bore in bed nor a whore.
My question is why isn’t this bar high enough for the male gender as well? If we are to judge at most, a human being’s body count, why does gender play a role?
Some women constantly try to put off their sexual needs, urges or even that little part of themselves that want to explore just because they do not want to increase their body count or be labeled… the number would amaze you sadly. Don’t get me wrong, I support people who do this by choice, morals, values, or Christianity, but if the former is the case, then are you truly living for yourself or others?
We hide behind tradition or culture, behind morals and purity, behind what a woman should supposedly be —for men— as if in reality that’s the true reason. But what kind of tradition exonerates the sexual urge of a man and tries to diminish that of a woman? As if being sexually adventurous was a gender thing…as if morals and purity are freelanced for men.
A woman who wants to be sexually adventurous…
Does it make her less who she is? Does knowing what she wants, make her different from who you assumed you met? Does it affect her values? Does it make her small? Does it change her name or her character? Well, if the “let me know who I’m with”, is the case, then I think doing all necessary medical tests to ensure you’re both STIs free, really getting to know each other, should cancel that out.
I don’t think a time will come when women would not be slut shamed due to body count in African societies but in the meantime, your body count should be yours to own.
In a case where you’re still not able to own then, it should be the number of people you’ve had memorable sexual encounters with…
Anything asides that are null and void.
Or maybe, just maybe, whatever the hell you want to say!
See you in my next article…!
